So much for that

Things you don't want to see 2 weeks after your IVF embryo transfer

Could I be any less pregnant? Answer: no. And if you read my little confessional in which I came out as a Bitter Infertile (thanks, Julie!), you'll know this is a Bad Thing.

I'll tell you what it feels like.

Have you ever had to say goodbye to someone you were really close to: a best friend, a lover? You had one last day with them, once last chance to see them. It was the day you said goodbye.

As they drove away, or their parents drove them away, or your train pulled away from the platform, or you walked down the ramp to get on your plane, you looked back one last time. And you knew you'd never see them again.

It was like a loss. They existed, but whatever relationship you had together, you could never have it again.

It was once in your grasp, and then it receded.

Failing at the fourth cycle of IVF, at nearly 41, feels a lot like that. Something wanted slips away and it may never be coming back.

What's the word I'm looking for here?

Ah yes--it sucks.

SUCKITY SUCKITY SUCK!

P.S. If anyone knows of any cures for infertility that involve chocolate and/or alcohol, I'm all ears.